


No more

by NKI_Stories



Series: No More [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Anniversary, Breakup, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Heartbreak, Hurt, M/M, Memory Lane, kakairu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-19 15:32:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19976386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NKI_Stories/pseuds/NKI_Stories
Summary: He was so happy, sometimes he was convinced someone had cast a genjutsu on him, and it all was just in his mind. Because how can happiness like this be real?He was happy. At least he was until 3 months ago.





	1. Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic. I am not the best writer, but I decided to give it a try. Hopefully, you can somewhat enjoy this story. 
> 
> Warning: For now, not a happy ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever fanfic. I am not the best writer, but I decided to give it a try. Hopefully, you can somewhat enjoy this story.
> 
> Warning: For now, not a happy ending

Iruka remembers the day he and Kakashi officially became lovers like it was yesterday. Today that was 4 years ago.

It had been a beautiful summer day with a light breeze and almost no clouds in the sky. Kakashi had sent Pakkun to his apartment with a note telling Iruka to meet him at the North Gate at 7 in the evening.

The academy teacher had been 5 minutes early, and for once Kakashi had been on time. The Jonin had given Iruka his one-eyed smile and told him to follow him.

When they were out of view from the gates, Kakashi had grabbed Iruka's hand and lead him through the trees and up a rocky hill. They didn't talk much as they walked, but Iruka had enjoyed the comfortable silence and the warmth of the handsome Jonin's hand in his. They both appreciated the beautiful scenery around them.

Once they reached the top Iruka immediately noticed a red and white check patterned blanket. It was held down with four medium-sized rocks in each corner with a huge braided picnic basket in the middle. Next to it was a bouquet of daisies wrapped in yellow paper. Beyond the blanket was one of the most stunning views Iruka had ever had the chance to see. All they could see from where they stood was a forest and some mountains in the distance. But the most beautiful part of it all was how the sunset filled the sky with the most beautiful colors. The colors were reflected down onto the trees, which danced in the light breeze.

Kakashi always put up a tough act around other people, but once they were alone he was surprisingly sweet and romantic.

It had been a beautiful day and became easily one of Iruka's happiest memories with Kakashi.

\----

Today was their 4th anniversary, and Iruka was sitting in the kitchen of their apartment alone. On the table in front of him, was a bouquet of white roses, two bowls of miso soup with eggplant and a lit candle. After 2 hours both bowls had gone cold. Iruka didn’t have an appetite so he had barely touched his.

With a sigh, Iruka leaned his elbows on the table and put his face in his hands.

They have had a good relationship, and Iruka never doubted Kakashi’s love for him. It was an emotion the older man never hid from him.

Iruka could see it the way he smiled at him, it was so genuine and the eyes would shine like a thousand suns with the care he had for the school teacher. When Kakashi kissed him, he poured his soul into it. It was as if he was the source of Kakashi’s oxygen. It was almost like Iruka was an element of what he needed to survive.

After 4 years, Iruka’s heart would still skip a beat when the Jonin’s attention was directed at him. The man he loved, loved him back and was not afraid to show him. Iruka was sure he was the happiest man alive and sometimes he couldn’t believe that Kakashi wanted him of all people. Kakashi was out of this world beautiful and sexy, and every time he touched Iruka, the desire took over before he even had a chance to blink.

He was so happy, sometimes he was convinced someone had cast a genjutsu on him, and it all was just in his mind. Because how can happiness like this be real?

He was happy. At least he was until 3 months ago.

3 months ago, Sasuke had left the village and Kakashi’s genin team had been disbanded. The older man took it incredibly hard and blamed himself for everything that happened. The genin team was another of his failures and the Jonin-sensei struggled to forgive himself. A kid was lost on a path of revenge and had betrayed the village Kakashi cared so much about.

Iruka tried to keep telling Kakashi that it wasn’t his fault. That Sasuke had been angry since the massacre, which certainly was not Kakashi’s doing. But Kakashi wouldn’t listen to reason.

Kakashi grew distant. He stopped greeting Iruka with kisses, the smiles never seemed genuine anymore, and whenever he was home, he just sat on the couch reading one of his Icha Icha books. Iruka’s heart broke for the other man, and he did everything he could to make Kakashi’s life as comfortable as possible.

Iruka also mourned the loss of Sasuke and Naruto when they left the village, but he was not as close to the raven-haired boy as Kakashi had been. Kakashi had put most of his focus on the Uchiha because he had seen so much of himself in the young boy. Even the other two students had left him and gotten themselves, new teachers.

Kakashi wasn’t sure what his purpose was anymore.

Iruka was patient. He didn’t demand anything from Kakashi as he knew the older man was hurting.

The first month Iruka took fewer hours at the mission desk. He made sure to have dinner ready at an appropriate time and did all the chores in their home himself. He was always available in case Kakashi needed him.

But Kakashi never did need him.

The older Jonin grew more and more distant, so distant that he was barely home anymore. He could be gone for days and even spend nights somewhere else. Sometimes Kakashi would rather sleep on the couch than share a bed with Iruka.

When he did spend time at home, Iruka couldn’t help but feel like his presence annoyed the older man. When Iruka tried to talk to him, Kakashi would always tell him that he was fine and that the Chunnin should stop worrying because it was starting to get irritating.

So Iruka picked more hours at the mission desk.

Kakashi never kissed, touched or smiled at him anymore and it became clearer and clearer that Iruka’s presence put him in a bad mood. Iruka’s heart was breaking, and he didn’t know how to fix it. But Iruka loved Kakashi with all he had, so if the Jonin needed space, the academy teacher would give him that. Even if it meant leaving himself feeling out of the world lonely.

Iruka, therefore, kept his days as occupied as he could away from their home. He would do his grading at the academy, take more and more shifts at the mission desk. Do more training than he normally did, and eat out by himself.

He always tried to start a conversation with his lover when they were both at home, but Kakashi would now ignore him completely. He would pretend that he either didn’t hear him or simply leave the house to get away from him.

Iruka was hurting now too, but he pushed it aside because Kakashi was hurting more. But as much as he tried to ignore his feelings, his patience was growing thinner.

When Iruka one day spotted Kakashi with Asuma, Kurenai, and Gai, laughing, smiling and seeming to have a good time, Iruka knew it was over. He just didn’t want to believe it.

He still remembers the almost 4 years of the pure love that Kakashi had not been afraid to show him. But perhaps it had all been Iruka’s imagination all this time. Because this Kakashi was so different from the Kakashi he remembers. The contrast of the behavior was so big that Iruka started to doubt the Silver-haired Jonin ever loved him in the first place.

Because it was obvious that Kakashi didn’t love him now.

Iruka had that evening, 3 days from today, confronted Kakashi about it. And for the first time in almost 4 years, Iruka had experienced Kakashi being angry with him. So angry that the Jonin started to fill their home with killing intent, so much that for the first time in his life, Iruka had felt scared in the presence of his lover. Kakashi had told him to stop with the stupid jealousy like an over-possessive brat because he was tired of the bullshit.

Iruka had left their apartment that evening, he ran and ran until he wasn’t sure where he was running anymore. That was until he found himself on top of the cliffside where Kakashi had asked him to be his lover. But the scenery was nowhere as beautiful as it had been that day.

The memory of that day flooded Iruka’s memory like a thousand knives and he felt like someone had stabbed him with a kunai in his chest and twisted it around making sure his heart bleed as much as it could. He was so heartbroken that he struggled to breathe. He felt nauseous and couldn’t stop the tears that gathered in his eyes.

Iruka sat there, all night, while he cried his soul out.

When Iruka woke up the next morning, he felt empty. It was as if he couldn’t feel anything at all anymore. He felt no hurt, no joy, no anger, and no love.

Kakashi was not in love with him anymore, and Iruka could no longer pretend. He knew Kakashi was hurting. But now he was hurting too. And his presence only made it worse for both of them.

It was time to let it go.

That morning Iruka went home to an empty house. Kakashi nowhere to be seen. He took a shower, got dressed and called in sick from work.

He then went to a real estate agent and asked whether or not they had any one-bedroom apartments available. The real estate agent showed him 2 apartments and Iruka decided to buy the last one as it was on the opposite side of town from where he lived now.

The apartment had a connected kitchen and living room, a decent sized bathroom which was connected to a bedroom.

It wasn’t the most decent looking place, but it was decent enough for him.

The next stop was the archives where Iruka updated his address and changed his emergency contact to be blank.

On his way to their shared home, Iruka had thought about the anniversary they had in 2 days. He would give Kakashi one last chance. Though he didn’t think Kakashi would show up for this one, Iruka decided to make it the final test of their relationship.

If Kakashi showed up and apologized, Iruka would give him a second chance to fix what the Jonin had broken. If he didn’t, he would leave.

Iruka knew with himself, that Kakashi would not show up. So he gathered his stuff and moved them to his new place. Kakashi is the one that had bought most of the furniture, so Iruka didn’t have that much stuff to move over. Nothing he couldn’t take care of himself and move in a single day.

\----

Now Iruka was sitting in their shared home at their kitchen table alone. Food had gone cold, the candle was almost burned out and Iruka was sitting there crying for the love he has lost.

After 3 hours of waiting, Iruka felt the anger swell up. He felt absolutely furious. Kakashi didn’t even have the decency to talk to him or to show up for their 4 year anniversary. If Kakashi really cared about Iruka and wanted out all this time, he could have spared Iruka for all this insecurity and suffering and just let him know it was over.

Iruka had had enough. He wanted nothing more to do with the asshole Jonin. He grabbed the flowers and threw them with chakra infused force into the bin. He grabbed the two bowls with miso soup he had prepared earlier that night and put them in the fridge.

Iruka stood in the middle of the kitchen trying his best to calm down, but he could only feel the sadness overtake the anger. He put his hand in his pocket where he had put the house key. He took it out and looked at it in his hand.

When Kakashi had asked him to move in with him, Iruka had been so happy. He hadn’t hesitated for a second. When Kakashi had given him a key, it had felt so right in his hands. Now the key felt like a foreign object.

He felt the tears threaten to overtake him again, so he gently put the key on the kitchen counter.

He grabbed the last of his things and left. Because there was no more love for him to take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for leaving this one on an unhappy ending. I am thinking of maybe writing a part which will be from Kakashi's point of view. But for now, this is it. Please don't hate me.


	2. Selfish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for the wonderful feedback of the previous chapter, it truly inspired me to make make a chapter for Kakashi. Hopefully, you enjoy his POV aswell ^^

The guilt he felt when finding Naruto hurt and unconscious in the Valley of the end made Kakashi’s insides feel like burning. His breath got caught in his throat and he felt like his legs would collapse underneath him. When he found Sasuke's hit-ate with one single deep scratch across it, Kakashi wanted to scream. His nails dug into his hands until they started bleeding through his gloves, and it felt like his heart was going to explode on him there and then.

Had it not been for the presence of Pakkun, Kakashi was pretty sure he would have collapsed next to Naruto. 

When he had inspected Naruto even more and seen the big hole in the clothing on his chest, the guilt built itself up even more. Because he was the one that had taught Sasuke the Chidori, he was the one that had put his sole focus on the person that had left the blonde-haired boy in this state. 

How could he have failed his team so badly? What does the world have against him to leave everyone he starts caring about either dead or broken? How can he continue to make a lifetime of mistakes when there were so many events in his life that he should have learned from? 

He had known about Sasuke’s need for revenge, he knew of the curse mark and how his counter seal only would last as long as Sasuke’s will allowed it. And still, he had believed that he somehow could help the boy.

Could he have done better?

But he didn’t know how to do better. He feels like he already does his best and that still is not enough. How can Konoha consider him one of their best assets when everything he touches breaks? 

Iruka. 

Naruto meant everything to his lover, and because of him, Naruto had almost been killed by his teammate, by a Jutsu that Kakashi had invented and taught him. 

It was all his fault. 

Iruka kept telling him that Sasuke was angry and on the path of revenge before he became Kakashi’s genin. Kakashi himself knew this, but he had hoped that he could have made the boy see that there were other and better paths for him to follow. 

Everything he touches crumbles. Everyone he cares about dies.

Iruka. 

How can he put Iruka through the same faith? Because it was obvious now. Obvious that everyone he cares about dies. And he didn’t want Iruka to die. Not like his mom, father, Obito, Rin, and Minato-sensei.

He loved Iruka with everything he had. The academy teacher was so beautiful, not only on the outside but on the inside too. The man was kindness in a physical form. 

Every time the chunin directed one of his smiles at him, Kakashi’s body felt like jelly. Every time Kakashi saw the warmth and love in Iruka’s brown eyes he felt like crying of joy knowing it was directed at him. But now, every time those things only made him feel guilty because he couldn’t let the younger man go. 

And he had to let Iruka go. Because Iruka deserved so much more. Iruka didn’t deserve to die. He simply cannot die, because if he does, then this world would have lost one of its suns and a source of warmth. And Kakashi could not let that happen. 

He had to end the beautiful thing they had because if they stayed together, it would only end ugly. And that was something Kakashi could not let happen. Not to the man he loved. 

But Kakashi couldn’t do it. His selfishness took control and his only resolve became to distance himself.

He knew he should talk to Iruka, tell him what he was feeling and why they couldn’t be together anymore, but every time he tried the words got stuck in his throat. He physically couldn’t get the words to leave his mouth. 

He also knew that if he did try, Iruka would find some flaw in his logic and talk him out of it. Iruka would tell him how ridiculous he was being and break his main reasons for doing it in the first place.

But Iruka deserved to live.

Iruka was what this world needed. Without him, the world would be a darker place. Iruka wore his feeling on his sleeve for the entire world to see. Everyone who met the younger man couldn’t help but like him, and this even after being shouted at in the mission office for daring to try to hand in a poorly written report. Iruka was the perfect example of why this world was worth living in.

As much as Kakashi tried to keep people away from himself, the chunin had wedged himself into his heart and taken residence there. Every heartbeat was for Iruka and Iruka alone. Iruka who wasn’t the greatest cook, but would cook anyway because Kakashi was too exhausted to even consider to eat. Iruka who would hold him in his arms and whisper comforting words in his ear after a horrible nightmare. Iruka who kissed him with the kind of love and passion that Kakashi never thought he would ever experience. 

Iruka deserves to live. And Kakashi would be what kills him. 

The longer it took for Kakashi to get his act together and do what needed to be done, the more guilty he felt for being this selfish. 

The guiltier he felt, the more he distanced himself from the academy teacher because being around the man he loved so much made him feel angry with himself for being weak. Angry because he knew Iruka deserved more than what he could give him. Angry because Iruka kept looking at him with so much love and concern and Kakashi still couldn’t get himself to do what needed to be done. 

He grew angry at Iruka for loving him and for making Kakashi feel selfish enough to not want to give that up. 

\---- 

Today was their 4th anniversary and Kakashi stayed away. He wasn’t even sure if he was welcome after what happened 3 days ago.

3 days ago, the anger had overtaken him when Iruka had asked if Kakashi still loved him. He asked the jonin how he could smile and laugh with the others, but avoid him like he had the pest. Was he not good enough for the jonin anymore? 

Kakashi then felt angry because how can Iruka not see that the reason they were still here was because Kakashi loved him too much? He felt furious because how could Iruka doubt his love, despite his behavior in the last 3 months? Did Iruka not remember the 4 years they have had been together? Longer even, if they counted the time they dated before that? Had he not been as happy as Kakashi had been? 

For the first time since Sasuke's betrayal, Kakashi's friends had managed to make him forget, even if it was just for a moment, and Iruka was upset with him because of it. 

Everything was a mess, and Kakashi was beyond frustrated. That frustration intensified his anger, and at that moment that anger turned into a pure rage that Kakashi had no control of. 

Kakashi knew that the words that left his mouth were unreasonable, but for some reason, he said them anyway. And he felt even angrier for saying them.

When he then had seen the fear in Iruka’s eyes, reality had set in and the guilt rammed into him with a force that made him lose his balance where he had stood. The last thing he ever wanted to see in the kind, beautiful and caring man’s face was fear. Especially the fear of him. 

When the teacher rushed to leave the apartment, Kakashi realized how much he had lost himself. He had let the guilt and fear of losing the chunin to death blind him of Iruka’s own feelings. He had been so consumed by his own failures to a degree that Kakashi had ignored and avoided him. 

He had even scared the person that he loved so much that he had felt the need to run away. 

Kakashi wanted to scream in despair. A sharp pain aced in his chest. Pain caused by the realization of how much he had hurt and failed the person he cared about the most. The person he would die for in a heartbeat if required. The man he had planned to ask to marry him on their 4th anniversary before the guilt had consumed him.

Now, that seemed like a lifetime ago, because he knew the chunin deserved so much better. They had been so happy together, there was never any lack of smiles or laughter when they were around each other. Their relationship was filled with so much love and passion so strong he could never grow tired of the academy teacher. But death and destruction followed Kakashi like a curse, and he was so terrified Iruka would be next. He couldn't stand the thought of losing Iruka, but experience had told him it would happen. And Kakashi was so incredibly scared. Kakashi felt the shame spread in his body, the heartache stabbing him in the chest. He had been so weak and selfish.

A sob broke the silence of the apartment and tears blurred his sight. For someone who supposedly was to a genius protege, Kakashi was the most stupid person he knew. 

How had he grown to be so angry and let it out on the people he love? He should have ended it a long time ago. Not only would that potentially save Iruka from Kakashi's curse, but it would have saved the younger man from this pain. Iruka didn't deserve the way Kakashi had treated him. Iruka deserved sunshine, smiles, laughter, and happiness. None of what Kakashi had given him of late. Kakashi was so ashamed of himself. But as Iruka had called it, he was his oxygen, and Kakashi needed him to survive. 

\---- 

Kakashi needed to talk to Iruka. He would have to suck it up and put all his feelings into words and be strong enough to do what his lover had deserved all this time. He had to end it now and he had to be strong enough and fix this misery that he had put on them both. 

It took Kakashi all day and evening to gather himself and start heading back to their apartment. It was late and he felt shameful for leaving Iruka alone on most of their 4th anniversary, especially in the state he had left everything. It saddened him knowing he would break it up on this night of all nights, the night he originally all those months ago, had planned a perfect trip for them both and was going to ask the beautiful young man to be his husband. But things had gone on for long enough, and Iruka deserved the closure. 

When Kakashi arrived, the apartment was dark, and Kakashi assumed the chunin had gone to bed. He would have spread out his chakra to confirm this, but the wards they had put around the place would stop him from sensing him anyway. 

Kakashi notices instantly that something was wrong the second he entered the apartment. First of all, the door was unlocked, he could sense a faint smell of his favorite dinner, but what he noticed the most was how empty it looked. 

All the furniture was still there, but pictures, decorations, and other items here and there were gone. There was no doubt about what had happened. 

Iruka had left. 

All the conflicting feelings welled up inside him. He felt sadness and loss overtake him, and for the second time this week the tears blinded his sight. This is what he wanted all this time, but at the same time didn’t. But now that it had happened the world crumbled around him and he couldn’t hold back the sob that escaped his throat. 

In the corner of his eyes, he saw something on their kitchen counter. He turned towards it and walked up to it slowly as if it could spring a trap on him any second. It was the key to their shared home. 

Kakashi still remembers the day he asked Iruka to move in. He had been so nervous, worried that maybe he was reading to much into things, or moving to fast. But when he had finally gathered the courage to ask, the happiness that radiated of the younger man had been overwhelming, and he had shared that happiness when Iruka had thrown himself at him and hooked himself around his neck and given Kakashi one of the most passionate kisses he knew he would ever get to experience. 

Memories of their happy times together flooded his mind and again reminded Kakashi why he had been so selfish these 3 months. How can anyone give up on love like that? How could he have done that? How could he justify the way he had treated the love of his life? 

He couldn’t. 

The key stared back at him with venom, and Kakashi felt sick to his stomach knowing what it represented. He grabbed the key, opened the bin and was just about to throw it in when he saw flowers. 

Another sob escaped his throat. 

Despite everything, Iruka had bought him flowers for their anniversary. Iruka still wanted to show him love and compassion in the midst of the crappy way Kakashi had treated him. How could Kakashi ever have had the decency to claim Iruka's love for himself, when he so obviously was not worthy of it? 

Selfish. That’s what he was. Nothing more, nothing less. 

He fell to his knees, covered his face in his hands and cried. 

That night Kakashi made a promise to himself. He would never let selfishness take control of him like this again.

Though despite how bad everything went and ended, there was one good thought that didn’t escape him. The best that Kakashi could ever hope for. 

Iruka would live. 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi is so stupid thinking the way he does, for letting the guilt turn into anger and for directing it at the person he loves the most.
> 
> How he treated Iruka was not ok by any means. But this chapter is dedicated to explaining his silly thought process and somewhat his reasons for his actions. Though, I don't think Kakashi quite understands it himself. All on his mind is the fear of Iruka dying, and how he simply couldn't be the reason for it.
> 
> Thank you for the lovely comments! Your feedback has truly been motivating for me to make this second chapter, and potentially a longer sequel later where they get their happy ending ^^


End file.
